If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
