I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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