i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
