If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
