John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
