y did u give ur computer a hand job?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
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On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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