You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
