I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
