I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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