Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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