Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
