you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
