How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
