i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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