he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
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He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
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I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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