can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
