apparently the secret to your success is patron
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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