He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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