I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
