every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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