Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
