in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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