I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
