the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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