just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
