Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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