and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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