I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
