YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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