Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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