As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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