yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize