i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
