So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
