She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
