Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
