hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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