You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Girls should come with a carfax report
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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