i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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