I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
