i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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