so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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