Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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