we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
