I think my vagina is haunted
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My feet surprised me
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
