Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
