am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
