no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
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well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
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He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize