thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
