Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
