i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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