i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I deserve this hangover.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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