My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
