I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
