you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
