i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
