i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
