The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
